Even though I’m trying hard to ignore the calendar, the holiday season is nearly here. Between stirring up batches of homemade mincemeat (yes, I really do) and preparing a guest list, my mind has turned to the collision of generational habits around the dinner table.
While I was taught to politely remove my shoes at the door and never arrive empty-handed — how much does this old–school etiquette stand up today? You might get away with bending the rules around close family, but how should you behave when under the roof of a less familiar host?
Luckily, you don’t need to guess the right social etiquette when you’re attending a holiday party, because furniture company Joybird has done the groundwork for you. It surveyed over 2,800 U.S. adults to pinpoint what modern houseguest courtesy looks like, from non-negotiable house rules and off-limits conversations to outdated customs. Here’s a deep dive into what they found.
Don’t make this biggest etiquette mistake
Forget about not taking your shoes off when you cross the threshold; the rudest etiquette mistake is snooping. It was the most hated behavior across generations, scoring 61% with nothing else coming close.
The rudest etiquette mistake is snooping. It was the most hated behavior across generations, scoring 61% with nothing else coming close.
As a home writer, it’s tough to stick to; I’m always desperate to peek at everyone’s home decor, but it’s one unwritten houseguest rule you shouldn’t break.
So next time you’re a guest, don’t snoop in private rooms. And don’t even think about peering into closets, drawers, and cabinets — they’re all strictly off-limits.
Although snooping was undoubtedly the rudest behavior that the generations agreed upon, turning up sick came second. So if you have a slight sniffle or feel a bit queasy, you’re better off staying home.
At 42%, it was the second most hated behavior among the three oldest generations, and you can see why. Your slight sniffle could be the gift that keeps on giving — spoiling the whole holiday period for your host and any other guests.
Criticizing the host’s home, food (how could you), or decor was among the other bad behaviors, sitting in the top five, along with bringing a pet without asking or dragging children along to an adults-only gathering.
What drives me to distraction
Having phones on the dinner table is one of my pet peeves, and I’m not alone. A solid 62% of those surveyed agree that guests should tuck their phones away during a visit. It’s no surprise that Baby Boomers were most opposed to this habit at 77%, but it spans generations, with even young Gen Zers at 52% considering screens at the table bad form.
So, while my grandparents constantly enforced the “elbows off the table” rule, the survey shows that this old-school etiquette no longer matters and has been surpassed by keeping screens out of view.
Other etiquette rules you need to know
Are you always late to the party? It turns out 40% do not consider arriving more than 15 minutes late impolite, but you will be frowned upon if you arrive very late without sending a courtesy text. However, keep an eye on the clock if you’re invited to a Baby Boomer’s party, as 68% like guests to arrive within 15 minutes of the start time.
The most taboo subject in social gatherings is discussing appearance and weight, with 55% agreeing that the topic should be off-limits.
And while you won’t be chastised for not taking your shoes off, four in five say it’s basic etiquette, though Baby Boomers aren’t quite as bothered. One word of advice from me: if you like to keep your feet cozy, don’t turn up to your boss’s house with your slippers — that’s strictly for family-only visits in my book.
The most taboo subject in social gatherings is discussing appearance and weight, with 55% agreeing that the topic should be off-limits. Politics and religion come close, with Baby Boomers holding much stronger opinions than other generations about avoiding these topics. So, before you share your opinion at the party, consider whether a more neutral topic would be appropriate, and keep within your host’s good books.
You’re also more likely to be invited back if you offer to bring the host a gift, with 77% agreeing it’s a common courtesy. What’s more, 76% agree that it’s polite to offer to clean up after a meal. Just hope that they don’t take you up on the offer!
Old-school etiquette rules that no longer matter
As I’ve already mentioned, keeping elbows off the table is now considered an outdated courtesy, although it’s surpassed by writing a thank-you note. But here, instead of writing a hand-written note, more than half say they still consider sending a thank-you text or message, showing that appreciation still matters.
I remember my grandparents using the term ‘Sunday best’ to refer to turning out in your finest, cleanest clothes, but are you still expected to turn up dressed for dinner? Apparently 53% consider this a dated tradition. I’ll tell my dad he can put his shoe polish away!
Over to you
I’d love to hear more about your hosting experiences, and what drives you to distraction? Are you a “shoes off at the door” host, or are you far more laid-back? And what’s the one unforgivable guest behavior that would land someone on your “no-return” list? Drop your stories and house rules in the comments below.
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